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Better Twitter: How To Spice Up Those ‘Blah’ Tweets

We see them every single day on Twitter. We’ve even been guilty ourselves. Tweets about our most mundane activities. Okay, so you’re going jogging (again). I get it. Unless you’ve spent the last five years in a wheelchair, not exactly “Breaking News.”

There’s a handful of insipid topics people unfortunately feel compelled to Twitter about. Traffic. Exercise. The weather. You know the ones.

But hey, I’m not here to change anyone. So if it’s REALLY important for you to know that I know you hate rush hour, let’s at least look at some ways to spice up those ‘blah’ tweets.

Instead of: “I’m stuck on 95. This traffic is the worst.”
Tweet this: “Stuck on 95. But I think all these other cars are CGI. So here I go…VROOM!!”

Instead of: “This restaurant’s the bomb–best Mexican food in town!”
Tweet this: “This restaurant’s da bomb. In fact, come to 1626 Penn Ave RIGHT NOW, cause a loud distraction at the front, and someone gets a free dinner!”

Instead of: “Seeing the new Star Trek. Spock is so cool.”
Tweet this: “Seeing Star Trek & doing shots of Jäger & Patron for every scientific wtf? I see (skydiving thru the atmosphere w/out burning up??!)”

Followed about 90 minutes later by: “Just blew chunks on some guy with glasses and pointy ears. My bad.”

Instead of: “I’m exercising. It feels so good to work out.”
Tweet this: “I’m exercising…my prerogative to FART repeatedly while I jog on this treadmill!”

Hope these examples are inspirational. Gotta run now. There’s a loud distraction at the front register…

Greg Valentine
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